Procrastination Nation: Farm Town

Farm Town... Eff yeah.

Farm Town... Eff yeah.

So, at first my major qualm against reviewing Farm Town was that it’s a Facebook app. And at first I was worried that that might exclude people– I mean, you can’t exactly play it if you don’t have a facebook. But then I realized that nowadays everyone and their grandmother has a facebook, so I felt that a review—or at least rant—about one of facebook’ most rapidly-growing apps was fairly warranted.

Before I started playing Farm Town, it was described to me as Harvest Moon Lite. Now, I’ve never played Harvest Moon, and I’m aware I missed out on a crucial facet of childhood, but I must imagine this is a pretty fair assessment.

The basic concept of Farm Town is… well, um… it’s a town of farmers. And you’re among them. When you first start you get to make an adorable little avatar that looks… well, probably nothing like you, since it’s pretty limited…

Should I make the obvious joke about the ridiculously large head, or a joke about the awkard-green Fauxhawk option?

Should I make the obvious joke about the ridiculously large head, or a joke about the awkard-green Fauxhawk option?

But, once you’ve decided on exactly how you’re going to falsely portray yourself in-game, you get to start farming! You start off with a few modest potatoes fields and a plot of land, and through hard work and determination (not really) you too can have your own beautiful farm, complete with horses and cows and whatever vegetables and trees you want to decorate it with.

This isn't my farm. My farm is better. Why? Shut up, that's why.

This isn't my farm. My farm is better. Why? Shut up, that's why.

The point? … Well, uh… there isn’t one.

Let’s get one thing straight: I play Farm Town. I log on every day and check up on my crops, make sure the horses haven’t hopped the fence (they can’t do that), and that my grape fields haven’t shriveled into grotesque monster-vines (they can do that). So yes, I play Farm Town. But I don’t really like Farm Town.  I mean… why should I? There’s really no reason to play Farm Town. It’s monotonous, it’s boring, it’s dumb… Why in God’s name do I keep playing? Sure, I could divide my plots up into different fruits and vegetables, grow some wheat here and some tomatoes and grapes… but why do that when I can grow 95 fields of Sunflowers, which yield the most profit? And why am I trying to get the most profit? I don’t know. I… I really don’t know. To buy better crops? Why, when I’ve already unlocked over half of the available crops and sunflowers are still the best crops? To buy trees? Bah, trees just encroach on my sunflower fields! Animals? My designated “Animals” bin is already full. There is no more room. I could use the proceeds to purchase a bigger farm, and then I could stop worrying so much about cash and instead focus on aesthetics… but… why?

I don’t know.

I don’t know why I continue to log on and play this game. It’s pointless, it’s not all that much fun, and my fellow inhabitants are not exactly company I enjoy.

I hate the people that play this game.

I hate the people that play this game.

Regardless, I continue to find myself logging on, planting seeds and hiring crazy people to farm my crops so that I can sell them at even higher prices. I don’t even know what I’m saving up for, I’m just saving it.

So, my recommendation? Stay the hell away from Farm Town. Don’t even get involved. It’s like cocaine: Sure, it might seem kind of fun at first, but then the next thing you know you keep swearing it off, coming back for it time and time again even though you’re not even deriving any fun from it anymore.

Stay the hell away from Farm Town. Trust me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe I have some sunflowers that need harvesting…

Seriously, I hate these people.

Seriously, I hate these people.


4 Responses to Procrastination Nation: Farm Town

  1. Randy says:


    funny stuff

  2. Lauren says:

    I’m addicted to this as well. It’s not even fun

  3. gustines says:

    You have described my FarmVille (FarmVille, FarmTown—same crack, different name… sort of) situation perfectly, right down to the sunflowers. I hate this game. But now I have to go harvest the crops. Seriously. That’s where I’m going right now.

  4. Gary says:

    Gradually it sunk into my brain that playing Farm Town was pointless. I mean after all you spend hours accumulating land, coins, buildings, etc. that will never provide you any benefit. Then it struck me how we do about the same thing in real life. We toil and spin to gather up treasures here. They take space and we have to pay to store them. We accumulate wealth that we can only hope will be passed to those we care about when we’re gone. But in many ways we get caught up in activities that are essentially a waste of time.

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